Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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