I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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