I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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