she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
