her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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