I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
