Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
