hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
