Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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