Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
