i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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