I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
