those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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