Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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