Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
