I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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