The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we're making bets on your personal life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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