Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
