KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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