two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize