I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
