This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
