I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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