from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
