the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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