on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
