you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
