Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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