I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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