if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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