This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize