I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
