3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
