dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
