i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
