its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
