3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
