I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
