My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize