How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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