it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
