So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
