How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
