then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
