When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
