Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
