I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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