distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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