That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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