You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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