I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Damn victory sex feels great
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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