you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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