I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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