i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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