did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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