Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
