Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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