Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
