i just made my gag reflex go away.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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