It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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