I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
