Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were trust falling into bushes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
