Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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