I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
