Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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