so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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