I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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