good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
