Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
