We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Two words: blizzard sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
