ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
