So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Such a big mess for such a small penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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