Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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