I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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