You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The cops high fived after they tackled you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize