I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
