So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize