the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
