I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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