he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
