took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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