Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
