She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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