The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
