Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
