I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
