My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
